In the last 5 years, Google searches for 'self care' have over tripled. It feels like every best-selling book is about self care. Even food and hygiene products are marketed to us as a form of 'self care'.
This isn't necessarily wrong, but it most certainly isn't the full picture, and I feel that we are now in the midst of a big self care scam.
Self care is defined as 'the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health, which admittedly is pretty vague. But as with most people, I think health should be both short- and long-term, and so self-care should be done in such a way that it doesn't only give us a brief sense of care or calm. The problem is, that means self care is pretty difficult.
If we were to assume company's were 100% right, therapists like me be would be out of business, as would most coaches, counsellors, leaders, and other interpersonally trained professionals. We would probably need less support from others, and we would probably love ourselves a lot more. So why don't we? Because the current model of self-care doesn't work.
I've always been at my worst when indulging in what society tells us is self care.
There is no denying that a bath, face mask, or comforting meal can help us feel good, especially if we really enjoy it mindfully in the moment. Indeed, I cannot deny that I have had many a 'self care day', vegging out on the sofa, eating ice cream, diving head first into virtual video game worlds. The cruel irony of this is that, although they can relieve stress and give us some headspace, I've always been at my worst when indulging in what society tells us is self care. Psychologists and non-psychologists alike intuitively know that we are often doing our best, and sometimes find a state of flow, when we are positively challenged and active rather than sitting and consuming, and this is extremely true for me.
The problem is, that means self care is pretty difficult.
Although there is nothing wrong with taking some time to have nice things and sit down, self care in our day and age needs to evolve past what is easy and purchasable. If we want self care that always cares for our future self, then we need to challenge ourselves, try new things, and work internally as well. For some people self care is getting out of bed to exercise, or braving the rain to go for a walk and get moving on a difficult day. For others, the best way to really take care of themselves is to reflect on what they are struggling with in life, potentially with the support of a therapist or coach. And if that isn't for you? That's okay too, as there's more than one way to show self care for you and your future self.
'It hurts as much as it is worth' (Julian Barnes) is a quote that applies to many aspects of life, including self care. It isn't always easy, and sometimes realising that difficult conversations, acting, and reflections need to happen is painful; that is makes them worthwhile. We don't need to abandon the self care we do now, especially if it works for us. However, we do need to remember that self care is complex, and difficult, and ultimately worthwhile.
Lots of love from Jan Talks Psych!
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