I wonder, does something like this sound familiar? Or can you see it in others?
'Well that was disappointing, I thought that would go better.'
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'God, I'm upset, I feel pretty sad'.
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'I better not go out today, I don't feel like talking to others right now.'
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'God I'm an idiot for feeling sad, and nobody is here to support me.'
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'... and now I feel even worse...'
Although I hope that the above isn't too relatable for you, it is totally okay if it was. It might also be something you see in those close to you, and that is alright too. Whether it is a cycle of sadness, anxiety, anger, or something else, It is pretty common to have a thought, which gives us a feeling, which triggers a tidal wave of difficult thoughts, feelings, memories, and more. The problem is, all too often those thoughts end up in a downward spiral.
There are lots of names for this sort of cycle, but it is commonly known as a 'maintenance cycle' or a 'vicious cycle' (I prefer the latter as it gives an impression of how it feels to be stuck in one). The bad news is... well, you have probably felt it. No matter the emotions, we often withdraw from others or berate ourselves when things are difficult, and this can end up with us getting stuck. I'll openly admit that a cycle of sadness is what I'm more vulnerable, but for anxiety it may be overthinking or avoidance that gets us viciously caught.
Maybe it is something less distressing but limiting, like not speaking up due to a lack of confidence but then never gaining confidence?
Thankfully, there is good news, two bits in fact! Firstly, people are not helplessly doomed to be stuck in a vicious cycle forever. Secondly, we have it within ourselves to break out a cycle. That is not the same as saying it is easy, but it is doable. For different cycles there are different steps to take, but the first point for everyone (including me and you) is to understand what the cycle is; it is hard to break something if you don't even know what it is.
You may have already thought of a cycle you are stuck in. Is it a fear of calling people that gets scarier every time you avoid it? Is it a sense of isolation that leads to you avoid talking to others? Maybe it is something less distressing but limiting, like not speaking up due to a lack of confidence but then never gaining confidence? Whatever the case, it is worth taking five minutes to self-reflect; if you are having trouble, look out for a time in the last week your emotions have changed. For myself, when I feel myself getting sadder, I can often catch myself getting quieter just a few minutes later.
This article could quickly become a textbook if I delved into every possible cycle and solution, but thankfully it can be very rewarding to do this without help too! Once you have spotted a cycle you might want to break, here are a handful of short steps:
Spend five minutes coming up with every idea possible to break out of the cycle at some point, however creative and crazy!
Review the list, highlighting the ideas that seem most realistic and most closely linked to your own vicious cycle
Starting with the highest rated ideas and working down try them
...
Seriously, try them!
We all have vicious cycles. Some are more dominating than others, and some don't matter too much. But we all have the potential to challenge ourselves and grow every day. Even if spend one minute bending a cycle and testing the waters, that could turn out to be the first step to a new exciting aspect of your life. More confidence, joy, and calm are all in reach, if we just explore what psychology can do for us.
If you have any questions about the details of vicious cycles please do comment or get in touch! Until then, please do take care.
Lots of love and caring from Jan Talk Psych xx
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