Ever felt anxious at a party, so found it easier to spend the evening on your phone? Ever felt unsure about something, so asked for lots of reassurance about your health, or looks, or performance? Ever felt that you couldn't do something difficult like take a phone call or do a talk without some breathing or a ritual beforehand? I have done all of these things (and more!), and that is A-okay, but why should you care?
Well, you don't have to care, but if you are interested in learning about safety behaviours and what they mean for your sense of anxiety, calm, or confidence, then read on to here entirely personal and potentially useless thoughts!
A safety behaviour is something we do to reduce the sense of anxiety we feel in tricky situations, and to help us feel like we can cope with the situation. Short-term? Amazing, anxiety goes down, avoid the problem, don't have to worry as much, can get through a difficult situation. Long-term? Potentially problematic, anxiety sticks around, problems stay problematic, and eventually you don't know if you would be able to survive without your safety behaviour. That last little bit may sound extreme, but it is easily done. If I've spent years preparing for any anxiety-inducing conversation (a safety behaviour to give me a sense of control and reduce anxiety), how will I ever know how conversations would go without thinking it over 100 times beforehand???
It may be that you don't see yourself if any of these examples, and that is genuinely wonderful, but all of us experience or have seen others experience getting stuck with safety behaviours. What makes me care so much about these safety behaviours is the impact they have on our own confidence. As I've said already, if we are always using behaviours to help reduce the difficulty of our situations, it is impossible to know if we can deal with difficult things (and chances are, we can!).
These don't have to be clinical or disastrous situations, but tackling our own safety behaviours can be strangely empowering. I used to feel nervous before every call to a patient, and didn't start ringing until I had a page of notes ready to refer back to and a page to write down anything important they might say (even for brief calls to check in or ask if they were free later!). When I tried calling patients without these, well... attempt one was nervous and I spent the whole time focusing on what could be important rather than really listening (another safety behaviour ironically). But with attempt two, three, four, and so on, it got easier; I developed the confidence to cope without a crutch.
Spotting safety behaviours can be tricky, but it is best to look at the things you do habitually, and ask if you could do them differently. If something inside of you gets nervous or screams 'NO!'... well, you know where you could start! By taking the training wheels off our own behaviours, we can feel anxious and stressed, but there is nothing wrong with feeling those very normal emotions. In fact, it is by facing up to difficult emotions that we can say to ourselves "I can cope', 'I can do difficult things', and 'I can really, genuinely, be flexible and confident in what I do'. We can take the power away from external influences or habits like breathing a certain way or checking something, and instead give that power back to ourselves.
Long-term? Potentially problematic, anxiety sticks around, problems stay problematic, and eventually you don't know if you would be able to survive without your safety behaviour.
If you still don't think you have any safety behaviours... then I am envious and have a lot to learn from you! However, if you do, it can be worth thinking about challenging them. Some may not be worth challenging (pros and cons is always good!), but some may be worth the effort. As always, feel free to let me know!
Lots of love, JanTalksPsych xx
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